I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
