I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
