omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
