id be glad to
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
