he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
only you would photoshop your dick
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
