I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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