I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
My pussy is not your playground.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
