Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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