I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
How does one acquire holy water?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize