I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
