My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
