During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
