Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
