so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You are a genius and a whore.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize