I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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