I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
