Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
