She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
