I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
