I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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