I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize