waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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