found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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