What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
