i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
