I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
