it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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