she looked like the before picture.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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