he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
