I didn't shave. On purpose
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
