i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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