so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
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