i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
