how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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