not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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