It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
