He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize