Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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