I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
