I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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