first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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