I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
