just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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