And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I have feelings that need drinking.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
