God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
