White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize