You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
