after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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