When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
