Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
