all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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