I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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