I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
my sisters under your porch take her home
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
