I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
