hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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