I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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