Nicole vs. Life
I faked an abortion last night.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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