I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
