It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
