Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
