She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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