Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize