So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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