The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
