toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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