im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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