Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize