You're my little dorito
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
