I CAN MOONWALK!
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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