Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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