My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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